December 2010
Getting wasted with my girl, brother, and sister.
It’s gonna be a damn rough nite for the designated driver. ;)
Dear Facebook brats,
A) You do not have 96.4 siblings / parents. Quit it.
B) Do not get an attitude when I ask “do I know you?” that’s my nice way of saying “I don’t know who the fuck you are, so tell me why you added me or I’m deleting you.”
C) Posting about how ugly you are does not make anyone want to compliment you. Insecurity and desperation is ugly.
D) No one gives...
and I think the only thing I’ll really do is get a bunch of piercings just because I can.
I don’t even like them. But I’ll get them.
Then I’ll get my tattoos.
But I really want those.
So it’s okay.
I just fell in love
with Between the Trees.
2010.
I don’t know how to measure if a year was “good” or “bad.” This year had a lot of fucky moments. It actually really sucked until summer. I got over someone I needed to for a long time. I got my license back. Me and Jozi got closer. I had my “summer fling,” my bounce back from being broken. Ps sorry I hurt you. I rid my life of everyone I needed/wanted to....
Fickle: erratic: liable to sudden unpredictable change; “erratic behavior”.
Blunt: characterized by directness in manner or speech; without subtlety or evasion.
Impulsiveness: the trait of acting suddenly on impulse without reflection.
Vain: conceited: characteristic of false pride; having an exaggerated sense of self-importance; “a conceited fool”; “an attitude...
I thought about you today, and it felt good to think of you and not want to be sick. An ounce of peace set in.
I can’t believe it’s been almost three months. It feels like so much longer, and yet the memories feel just like yesterday. The world lost something great on October 13th, 2010.
I hope you had a good Christmas. Everyone here missed you like crazy. When you left, you left an...
“Oh lovely and beautiful
Precious and priceless
You’re so much more than...”
– Flyleaf
200th post.
&I’ve had this less than two months.
Wow. I’m glad I have a life.
I like who I am after not eating and sleeping a lot better, ha.
I shouldn’t believe you. But I do.
And that sucks.
I like when my personal writing gets reblogged. :)
4:30
I’m sleeping less & less. My tongue is on fire and I must confess I only dream of you, imagine what we could be. Tonite we’ll set this world free.
Sweetheart,
I’m nothing special.
I’ve heard it all before.
“Whether you want me or not, all you can is hurt me.”
Get out of my head you undeserving pile of flesh. I can’t get over how much of our relationship I’ve made myself forget.
I just wrote out every lie that you’ve ever told me, and then I just realized how pathetic it makes me look that I believed every thing you ever told me. I hate you for what you make me do to myself. I hate that I let you for so long.
It terrifies me to think...
“—-but when you spend enough time in the dark, alone with your thoughts,...”
– Just One Look -Harlan Coben
“It was a terrible mistake, but in her heart she never loved any one except me.”
– The Great Gatsby. Pg 117.
Fuck my mind.
Seriously. I wish just one fucking time I could underthink something. Or just not care. Or just let it fucking be the way it should be; left alone.
YOU. DON’T. MATTER. TO. ME. What we had doesn’t matter to me. It was short and insignificant. It was planned that way. No strings. No attachments. No real feelings. No nothing. I told myself that. I told you. And you told me. So what the...
“Loving you is cherry pie.”
– Lady Gaga
“Watch your heart when we’re together, girls like you love me forever.”
STOP
fucking.
I am ten feet below you.
I can fucking hear you.
I feel like I’m going to fucking implode. I don’t even know what’s wrong. I’m discontent everywhere I go. I can’t eat anymore. I can only sleep during the day. My dreams are unnaturally vivid and dark and so far from lucid it’s terrifying. I’m crawling out of my skin. It’s too tight. I’m choking on everything I’ve ever believed in....
It's three am.
-I’m listening to Beyonce.
-I’m in the dark.
-I’m texting the babe & best friend.
-I’m in Miranda’s hoodie.
-I’m tumbling more than necessary, but I’m content. Finally.
And I don’t like lesbians that look like Justin Bieber.
I actually don’t like lesbians. They’re weird.
And it concerns me that my spell check didn’t squiggly underline “Bieber.”
Or “squiggly” for that matter.
I don’t like that the cat stays in the bathroom now. I feel like she’s watching and recording me pee.
“I got a big ego. Such a huge ego. But she love my big ego. It’s too much....”
LOL at Facebook creeping then sending pictures to my best friend and creating their own personalities.
“Some people are just prettier on Facebook.”
“What if she took the mask off and she didn’t have a mouth?”
– Jozi Parker
“Can we live this moment all over again?
I know we’re not lovers, but we...”
– All The Right Moves
“Grey would be the colour if I had a heart.”
– Flyleaf
Let. Me. Go.
I’m no good for you. Every time we speak I paint your heart with chaos and nostalgia and pain. I’m only going to bring you down. I’ll lie to you when I want something and I’ll do it well. I’ll talk to you just the right way to lead you back my way, and then I’ll drop you. I’ve done nothing but rip your world apart, and you’ll never be...
CHRISTMAS.
I got hoodies & shoes & fifty bucks.
And I finally got to be with my brother and sister outside of a hospital room. That was the best. <333